Month: May 2014

The Time Keeper

Try to imagine a life without timekeeping.

You probably can’t. You know the months, the year, the day of the week.

There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie.

Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check its watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays.

Man alone measures time.

Man alone chimes the hour.

And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures.

A fear of time running out.

– Mitch Albom

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Mother Daughter Relationships Over Time

AGE 10 – 12
You’re the best, Mum!

AGE 13
Teach me how to use tampons! Thanks, now don’t talk to me in public.

AGE 14
Drive me to the shopping centre so I can hang out near the bus stops with my friends for five hours. Ugh, no, Mum, we don’t actually go INSIDE. We stand around OUTSIDE it, because we are cool. You don’t understand anything. I wish you were dead. Can I have $10 for the food court?

AGE 15
OMG HOW COULD YOU GET ME AN COTTON ON GIFT CARD INSTEAD OF THE VALLEY GIRL ONE I ASKED YOU FOR, I HATE YOU, I WISH I WAS A HALF-ORPHAN.

AGE 16
Why can’t you be cool like Sarah’s mum? She’s, like, my friend. She always has amazing blow-outs and she lets us drink!

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Wait, why are you calling Sarah’s mum to yell at her about letting us drink!? Don’t call her! Don’t embarrass me in front of my friend, Mum! Ughhh, I hope I never turn into you when I am an old hag.

Don’t you dare talk to me about sex, I swear to God I will start screaming Nickelback at the top of my lungs. OK, you asked for it, LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH, EVERY TIME I DO IT MAKES ME—

AGE 17
School was fine. He’s not my boyfriend. Stop trying to give me advice. Stop asking about my day. Stop moving your mouth in that annoying way where words come out of them.

AGE 19 – 23

Hey, Mum, do you have time for a two-hour conversation about nothing?

Also, later tonight I might call you when I’m a little bit tipsy and ask you for the kind of advice about sex and boys and stuff that I am too embarrassed to ask you sober, OK? Cooooool.

AGE 24
No. Don’t look at me because someone farted during this yoga class, Mum. Because I’ll start laughing, and then you will start laughing, and then we will fail yoga. Look how perfectly those two over there are doing it. Whatever. I wouldn’t want to be them, anyway, they’re probably boring.

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AGE 25
Oh. Yeah, I guess going out sounds kinda fun. But I’d rather stay in with my mom and watch cat videos on YouTube while drinking red wine.

AGE 26
For God’s sake, Mom, let me get the check. It’s the least I can do. For the record, I hope I’m just like you when I’m an old hag.

AGE 27
You’re the best, Mom!